Piss Fiend

Hi everyone, my name is Dogman and I'm a reformed public pisser. Many years ago I would piss in random letter boxes whilst out partying. I would always have friends with me so they could laugh at how clever I was. Sometimes they'd even join in on the fun (though not at the same letter box) and we'd piss together. That was funny for a while, but I needed more.

After a while I began to piss at the shops. My kidneys would kick into action whenever I would see something that could be pissed on. One time I pissed behind a Timezone machine, another time I pissed on a chair at the cinemas (after the film had finished and before the cleaners came in). Once I even pissed on a public phone. It made me feel... alive.

After a while pissing wasn't enough, so I ventured into territory where no PP had gone before. I became a public shitter. I began by trying to shit on a driveway one night. It's much more difficult than pissing, you truly have to need to shit. A pisser and summon piss at any moment, a shit required careful planning. If you're going to a party and plan to shit, you must first create a shit. Nourish it, grow it, respect it.

The ultimate act was taking shit on a car. One night, at a party (of course) I felt a shit begging for release. So I did what any aspiring shitter does, I gathered some comrades and searched for somewhere to off-load. This time it would be white Toyota - a Corolla if my memory is correct. I clambered onto the bonnet, dropped my pants and began to shit and piss. It was funny, in fact it was beyond funny. I would say it was probably one of the funniest undertakings ever. EVER.

I've stopped now, I'm no longer a PPer or PSer. I grew up. Thought I still find the mere thought of public pissery hilarious. I’ve lost the fire, the will, even the nerve. It takes guts to do this sort of thing. But I’ll always proudly look back and remember the days when I was known as the Piss Fiend.

- Dogman