The Theories of Efficiency: Mobility in the 21st Century, and Beyond

It's time to examine the way we move, something which has been neglected for too long. Let us begin.

Walking Backwards

Walking backwards isn't easier when you're on a level surface, this technique should only be used when going up. You might not be able to see how this is easier, but please let me explain: When you walk forwards up a hill, you lift your entire leg with each step, bending the knee joint and hip joint - a completely unnecessary step if you ask me. If you walk backwards, you only need to bend your knees. Go ahead, next time you're faced with a hill, walk backwards, some may laugh (if they've still got the breath left after all that forwards walking) but you'll be pleasantly surprised by its outstanding efficiency. The only way to improve on this would be to invent a knee joint that bent both ways, that way you could enjoy then benefits of walking backward and still see what’s in front of you.


All Fours

Did you ever scamper up the stairs on all fours as a kid? I did, and it was efficient as fuck. I was able to conquer a staircase with ease because my body weight was spread over 4 limbs. Can you imagine how easily you could race up a set of stairs if your legs had to lift only half the weight? If you have stairs at home try it please, if you’re going to attempt this in public you might want to get stair-gloves (more like wrist guards, its funnier):


If you don’t have these you’ll get dirty and could contract a serious bout of HBP, it’s possible you won’t get over that for weeks.

And now for my most radical idea, this will revolutionise human travel:


Skipping

In the future, all will skip. There is no doubt about it, everyone knows how to do it and everyone likes it. It’s fast and it’s efficient. I can skip really fast (let’s race), next time you see me I will be skipping. I am serious.

- Dogman


Post Script: I was chatting with a colleague about efficient means of travel when he suggested a rather curious and arcane method - the Piggy-back. I've been thinking about it and thinking about it, I believe it should be included in this manifesto in some form (if only a "PS"), as on one hand it violates the laws of efficiency (for the piggy-backer) but on the other hand it flourishes as a way to travel with almost no effort at all (for the piggy-backee). One to think about my efficient friends.

Read Part 1 in this series: Equality and Effectiveness in the Lavatory.

Cinema with Russell Gill

This film is perfect. Every piece of dialogue floats beautifully on the screen, staying there for just the right amount of time before drifting into the back of the viewer’s eyes and ears. Tarantino made with Pulp Fiction something special. Every actor in this movie does their job with such grace; Ving Rhames' soothing voice, Walken's unforgettable monologue, Travolta's comeback, and Jackson's 'bad motherfucker'. Within each scene lies gripping drama betwixt with pulsating action and hilarious lines.
This film will carry on as not only one of the most memorable films of the 90s, but of all-time.
By far my favourite movie.


Oh what a treat this movie is. Two film-making geniuses come together on one of the most intriguing and warm stories put to screen. Kaufman's script is amazing, blending an inevitable love story with elements of science fiction, and using an unconventional narrative style to do it.
Gondry's ability as a director transforms my psyche.
On top of all that, I reckon the acting in this movie is awesome, not to mention Jon Brion's effective use of music. Definitely recommend watching this, and then watching it again.

I saw this film when I was about 7, and was mesmorised by its appeal. I have seen it many times since and that appeal still sticks with me; and since have noticed that as a film it is a piece of art. Connery plays on Bond's every mannerism to perfection, making you want to be a part of 007's world. James Bond is one of the original film hero's, and the formula works to perfection in Goldfinger.
I mean c'mon… the Aston Martin, Q's scene, Oddjob, the golf scene, Pussy Galore, the one-liners, Felix, and one suave dude named Bond, James Bond.


THE best action movie of all time. Both the first Terminator and T2 provide one of the greatest stories I've ever been told. James Cameron creates a powerful film with T2, not only delivering on groundbreaking special effects, but on drama as well.
I believe that the Terminator story should finish here, with this film. T2 brings everything to the viewer that he/she desires. So please, please watch these movies; they will not disappoint.
"The unknown future rolls toward us. I face it, for the first time, with a sense of hope. Because if a machine, a Terminator, can learn the value of human life, maybe we can too."
- Sarah Connor

Exciting, thrilling, a classic! Well-told story of Hitchcock's wrongfully accused man with a beautiful blonde getting mixed up in the drama. Clever use of 'Northwest' symbols throughout and hidden innuendos. Hitch was one of those directors who was able to make slightly offbeat/ different films, whilst having one foot in the Hollywood door. NbNw is oh so enjoyable.


Mulholland Drive is a film that explores how ones deepest desires (or the inability to achieve those desires) are contrasted with that of pure fantasy. Diane uses fantasy as a way of escaping the reality of her unattainable love for Camilla, as shown by Lynch in the first half of the movie. The fantasy scenes are presented with a clear narrative structure, using a plot of what Lynch calls the perfect mystery, suggesting that we can only experience or make sense of our desires by following fantasy until it self-concludes.
David Lynch follows Diane's fantasy until a traumatic silence is achieved, absent of the noise of everyday life - and possibly of the noise surrounding Hollywood itself.

A chilling return to the story of one of the most exciting and interesting superheroes. An excellent revamp of the batman series that goes back to the roots of where it all started in Gotham City.
Tim Burton's classic Batman films are great, but should exist within themselves. Christopher Nolan's 'new' Batman however, is something special.
Jim Gordon: I never said, "Thank you."
Batman: [looks back to Gordon] And you'll never have to.


Absolutely fantastic. It is amazing how much turmoil that Francis Ford Coppola and the crew were put through to make this movie, and still put out a great film.
Martin Sheen is perfect as Willard, a confused man given the task of tracking down an estranged war hero (Brando) that has been consumed by both the jungle and the Vietnam War.
In many respects, the most real movie depicting war I have seen; possibly not in the historic sense, but in the shocking human reality it displays.

Such a special insight into one of the most important periods in music history. I like how Scorsese focused on Dylan's early life and 60s beginnings, as this time period is able to show who he was the most clearly. I also enjoyed seeing the current thoughts of Dylan and a host of other people that have shaped his life.
It was cool how Scorsese made it not only on Dylan's music, but a commentary on his influence and just how important he was as a figure in a new generation that was saying f*#% you, this is who we are, and we are the change America needs.


Life and death. This is the key theme that I took away from what seems to be a convoluted movie on the surface, but as is the case with all of Kaufman's scripts, there lies something hidden. That hidden thing will have a different meaning for each viewer, but the driving force behind the director’s pen and camera is the same.
The central truism I speak of is that we will all die, and Caden knows this; Caden knows this, Sammy knows this, and Kaufman knows this. The fact that he can be so honest about it is very refreshing, allowing one to see past any anxiety we have about mortality, and accept our existence. These existentialist themes of human value and worth are explored in a way that I have not seen before.
The movie does get confusing, however if you look at it hard enough the plot will make sense; it's the ideas that become confusing, but isn't that what life is all about?

- Russell

A Game Of Trust

When I write a song, I feel a level of satisfaction in many ways. One of them is just the fact that I’m not done…. kaput…. over. When I’m done with a song, it truly is bittersweet. The sweet is that I’ve written another masterpiece of Mozart or Mccartney calibre. The bitter comes a few days later when I would sit down to write another brilliant evocation of the triumphs and turmoils of human existence through pop music. I would sit there and for the first little while, nothing of substance would come to fruition.

At this point there would be a part of me that thinks, irrationally of course, that this may be the last song I ever write. Maybe my creativity is gone. Could there be any more melodies out there (or in here)? As these thoughts went through my head, I would sit with my guitar in frustration and a fear that my livelihood, my life ahead of me will be different now because of my sudden creative paralysis. Lately, with Vienna Circus back, I haven’t had this problem at all. For all the times where I have no idea where to go next, there is always a parallel universe, whether later that day or next month, in which our hero has written 4 songs in one day.

I have proven to myself enough times that even if nothing is happening at this moment in time, all I have to do is trust that it will end up the same as it always has, with me standing atop a mountain with the greatest song ever written.

- Lee

Thoughts on Evolution: Love in its Infancy

Another Embryonic related post. This one comes from a line in the song 'If'. The line is “Love is powerful, but not as powerful as evil”. I couldn’t accept that line. Love has meant a lot to me as I journey through space camped on this little planet. Love is a force of unification, a common ground for sharing. It is an inspiration for discovery and creation. It gives hope and purpose and reason to life. It is countless things and cannot be fully described by the words, music, paintings, movies or anything else we have invented.

How can evil be more powerful than something this wonderful. Surely love conquers all. But then I got to thinking, this time prompted by another song in Embryonic – 'impulses'. When you see a race between two people and one of them comes first, then it is safe to assume that person is faster and more powerful. Now think of the impulses we get in everyday life. It seems like a negative one is almost always first. Take these three scenarios for example:

Scenario 1: When something bad is said about me. I get the impulse to defend my honour (passively or aggressively). On top of this I feel the urge to accuse and debase the other person's values. Then running a very slow second place is the impulse to take the criticism on board and use it to improve myself, or to simply recognise it as an inconsequential comment that does not define who I am.

Scenario 2: When nothing overly provocative happens. Maybe I have a day free and all I feel compelled to do is surf the net, watch mindless TV or crack one out for the hell of it. Again crossing the line a little behind the others is the impulse to go for a jog, play some music or do some chores to help myself or others.

Scenario 3: This one is tough to admit, but this occurs during the times when I am doing something proactive. Something that stems out of love itself, like creating music or writing this blog. But there is the impulse apparent in me that is craving recognition and praise for my efforts (please comment positively and plentifully below and fill my ego with self satisfaction). Or when someone shares with me in an act of love, I enjoy and learn from it. But then part of me is jealous that I didn’t learn that thing myself. I didn’t create it. Why can’t I be better?

Even when the perennial second place getter - Love itself - is the primary force behind my actions or someone elses, there is an ever present sense of evil behind it.

I guess my point is that if humans are the highest vessel for love to grow from then it is still a very young and undiscovered force…

- Eden (while listening to Perfect From Now On – built to Spill)

Thoughts on Evolution: Intelligence in its infancy
Thoughts on Evolution: Physical evolution in its infancy?

The Theories of Efficiency: Equality and Effectiveness in the Lavatory

I've been trained to leave the toilet seat down, my whole life I've been raised to believe that this is what I should do, this is what I must do... but who really wins? Women. Who raised me? Women. See a trend? Yes, you do.

You might be thinking that leaving the toilet seat down after taking a piss is reasonable (whether you're a male or female), but please, allow me to enlighten you with a couple of ideas that could change the way you use the toilet, forever.

The main idea I'd like get across is the act of lifting the seat up and down resting solely on the male. The current school of thought around the globe (in western countries anyway) is that the toilet seat should be down and all times, lifted by the male when he needs to piss, and returned to the down position when he is done. This seems reasonable, but it isn't. In the interest of efficient toilet usage for all humans, the load must be shared. The improved, modern method is simple: You position the seat the way you require it to be.

For instance: if I need to take a piss, I lift the seat, piss, flush and walk away. If 1 hour later I need to piss again, the seat is already up, I piss again, no need to inflict needless wear-and-tear on those hinges. The way it stands now I'm forever lifting the seat up and down, needlessly abusing the seat. So if Brooke needs to take a piss, she puts the seat down (the seat in this example has only been moved once, see the efficiency?). The seat is already going to be down a lot of the time anyway, men take dumps and sometimes pee sitting down (I know I do).

This leads me to my second point, the issue of equality. Feminists around the world are going to be applauding my idea, and hopefully, a new age of toilet etiquette will be ushered in swiftly. Putting the toilet seat down is akin to opening a car door, does a woman really need my help to put down a tiny little toilet seat? I think not, women have shown they’re capable, they can clean toilets – proof that they can indeed move the seat.

Remember my friends, no unnecessary seat movements. We’re all in this together.

- Dogman