I was browsing through some old Word files the other day when I came across something I had written a short while after school ended that i thought I'd share with you. I read it over a few times and was surprised by the passion and intensity I had towards the subject matter. It could only be written then, in that moment, as now I wouldn’t feel the same way about it. That’s something that has always interested me; if I had never captured my feelings and thoughts at that particular moment in time, I would have forever lost them as I could never possess that exact disposition towards the subject again. You can’t write about love the same way someone in love can. You could never write about hate with such passion unless you truly despise something. So no matter how out of the ordinary I feel about something I have to pen it down immediately, even if I understand it’ll soon pass, because I won’t be able to feel the same way about it once it has. And, although it mightn’t seem like a big deal once your feelings have subsided, to have something recorded, to look back and to try and understand the way you once felt about something is an amazing feeling and a portal to self-discovery. So, whenever you feel someway towards something, capture it in whatever way you can.
With every blog I read on BOTM I get a chance to understand each bloggers' thoughts, feelings and outlook on life. I’ve come to admire and recognize that there is much to learn in sharing your feelings, thoughts and attitudes.
We shouldn’t be afraid; let it out!
The anger apparent in these lyrics I wrote 3 years ago shocks me; to have once felt such hatred towards something that I now have no care towards, simply because I’m older, wiser and have learnt to forgive & forget, gives me great satisfaction.
In the End
I don’t know what I expect; I can feel the effects.
If I keep living like this, this is what I’ll get.
But still, I lay in my bed, these notions play in my head,
So I get a paper and pen and write the thoughts that I’m fed.
But I don’t listen to them. Sure, call me a charlatan.
Writing songs on penitence and singing them like I care.
But nothing changes in my head; I just spit out what I’ve said,
Then crawl back into my lair and spew hatred for the rest,
Who believe their ways the best and scorn what we represent.
The minority on the bench, getting stones thrown at our heads,
All because I'm in a band and fail tests without a care,
They don’t understand why we don’t take the same steps as theirs.
But I swear, in the end, there was jealousy in the air,
Knowing that we’ll go somewhere and that they’ll be selling shares.
And I’ll be laughing in the end when it goes according to plan,
Sure, fame and money will be grand, but it’s their emotionless stare
When I've exceeded them that keeps me breathing this air.
And I’ll remember when they fixed and twisted their heads,
Would’ve missed but dissed it instead, there are lists of the shit said.
It’s floating in the air; relationships beyond repair.
But they’ll remember then, when our channels cross again
And blame it all on ignorance as they defend their innocence.
Adolescence, arrogance; “I swear we meant no offense”
Like all’s forgiven in the end, your actions warrant a reprimand,
No overlooking what you said because your balls were growing hair.
No excuse for insolence then or any subsequent.
No dismissing your contempt; now suffer the consequence.
Broken bones can be repaired but spoken words stay ‘til the end
Now you got me burning red; I’m tearing paper to shreds.
But, don’t fret, I won’t forget and you’ll regret, on that I bet.
I will take it to my death; I won’t forgive, I won’t forget.
Yeah, sure, call me a hypocrite but I’d rather burn then turn my head.