The Hypocrisy of a Full-Time Procrastinator

There are people out there that I call full-time procrastinators, and I used to be one of them. And the procrastination I refer to is the type involving one's career trajectory. I used to procrastinate to some extent, mainly because of fear. But if someone asked me at the time why I procrastinate, I would tell them with a look of self-disapproval that it was because of laziness. And I believed myself, because, really, what reason is it other than laziness that you're not doing something that requires work.

And as you guys know, I recently got a band together and have been getting so much done that it's close to overwhelming to think about. But this wasn't just a case of getting off my ass, it was a deep rooted feeling of, "is this going to be worth it if i put the effort in."

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is clearly fear. You see, the reason it wasn't a feeling that I could easily grasp was because even the thought of myself failing at music was scary. The easiest and hardest person to avoid is yourself.

Whether not being able to actually form of a band of people, or the later music industry success not panning out, herein lies the biggest fear: if I didn't pursue it head on, I didn't have to face myself as the one responsible for the failure.

We seem to live in a world where it is rare for someone to be held accountable and not have a problem with it. What if you try something and you end up having a great time, well you would sure hold yourself accountable then!! I believe if you're willing to take responsibility for the good, you should also hold responsibility for the bad.

Now for the hypocrisy. A man will put up with working a job he dislikes because he is earning money. But the idea of working on a career where the benefits are tenfold and of an inner spiritual nature seems not worth it. Something seems off.

- Lee (while humming one of his own songs)