Dr Hell

'Dr Hell' is Dean, Russell, Hamish, Eden, Luke, Lee. I've known these 5 guys for a long time, so I thought I'd get some bits and pieces down. Starting with D...

Dean: I’ve known this guy since I was 12 and in fact I remember the first time we met. We were sitting in class (Yr 7 Italian I believe), a guy called Scott said “hey Dean, your name backwards is Nee-ad, haha” to which Dean replied, “Your name backwards is Toss”. I suppose what Dean said was debatable, but whatever - that kid got pwned. I had witness a perfect Dean delivery… talk about first impressions. That Scott kid left at the end of Yr 7, perhaps Dean was the reason. I sat next to Dean in Yr 8 English sometimes and it was here we became good friends. I used to think that he and Brooke would end up going out because they used to talk so much. This guy has perfect comedic timing and delivery, he’s also muscular and handsome to boot. One thing that is quintessentially Dean is the way he talks. “Dean, did you like that movie?”, “Soright”… haha, perfect!

Russell: I don’t remember when I first met Russell, I know he existed because we went to school together but I can’t remember that first meeting. I guess he’s kinda like a headache – he was just there one day. However, I do remember why we became friends like we are today. It was hanging out at casa de Sullivan where Russell and I began having regular conversations. Russell is a guy who is surprising pimp, well dressed, and really easy to chat with. I get along really well with Russ… I should mention on thing that I do remember about Russell pre-2008. Roller-fag. I think everyone knows about this - Russ rode rollerblades long after they went out of fashion, perhaps because he didn’t catch on or perhaps out of pure efficiency. I like to think the later is true.

Eden: This guy has a gift, several in fact. One - he is unnaturally good at Super Smash Brother Melee. Two - he has brain powers even he can’t comprehend. And his cock is fucking massive. None of that is a joke, seriously none of it. Eden is the least animated of the bunch, so when he smiles and laughs it means more. And for a guy who seems to be quiet, he sure is adventurous. Spend time with Eden and you’ll see he’s willing to try anything, which is reflected in all that he’s done. He stopped being a dirty Catholic and went to South America, he learned to speak Mexican yet he’s the one who speaks the least. He’s humble, clever, funny and like Dean – quite sexy. Deans a little bigger though. I can’t recall meeting Eden, I just became friends with him because I we were both friends with Dean… I think anyway. See how quiet he is! I can’t remember a damn thing.

Luke: In Yr 3, I won the right to be allowed to select who I was going to sit next to because I’d behaved (or something like that, you know how primary school is), I chose Luke. I picked him because we were best friends for that year. I honestly don’t know if I’ve ever met a better story teller, Luke could tell me about how he had sex with my own mother and I’d probably be all like “Wow! Tell it again!” Luke couldn’t be more encouraging, whether it’s beat-boxing or playing Tekken, Luke will always hand out loads of praise. I love chilling out and having a smoke with this guy, he knows the score. And in sharp contrast to Eden, this guy is so animated its almost absurd - Luke can’t even sit still for 5 seconds. A small piece of advice for our many readers - if you’re having a party, you need Luke.

Lee: lol. I don’t remember the first time I met Lee, but apparently we were 12 or 13 and I teased him about masturbating. Just about every time Lee and I spoke throughout high school, we’d have great, passionate conversations and I remember one at Charlotte’s 17th birthday party. I told about how amazing Cryptopsy were (metal band, intense live performance), Lee told me about the Flaming Lips and how Wayne Coyne would walk over the crowd in a giant inflatable ball. Years later we’d end up seeing that very same thing together as the best of friends. I don’t know if I’ve ever met anyone who does so many stupid voices that are all funny. Weeeell, maybe not all of them but on the whole they’re funny. I can tell Lee anything, without fear of judgement. That's a wonderful thing to have.


What an awesome group of friends, I'm so lucky...

- Hamish