So it is that time of year again: Footy season! And with record numbers in memberships and season tickets the crowds should be bigger and better than ever. Whether you are a first timer or a 300 game veteran from before the war or whether you would simply like to touch up on your vocabulary before performing your duties as grandstand coach/referee/tactician/commentator/motivational speaker/expert opinionist/bogan footy fan – this is a must read!
Here are a few of the basic phrases which will help you enjoy your first game of the season to the fullest.
Drop it – a split second before the opposition player catches the kick off.
Smash him! – When he doesn’t drop it.
*Variation – Hit him
Get off him – when dominant tackles start to get on your nerves.
*Alternate use – when your player acts like a fish out of water under the weight of the defender
Offside – when you are behind the posts with no lateral point of reference at all and are just desperate for a penalty.
Get em onside – when your team’s wingers scoot out of dummy half but only gain 3m
*For extra emphasis: Get em onside, ref!
Six again! – You saw them touch it!
*Remember to wave you fist sideways above your head. Pivot from the elbow for perfect technique
Just call it yourself, you idiot! – When you know the opposition scored but the ref goes to the video ref anyway, in effect giving the opposition fans twice as many chances to celebrate
What? – Confusion over a decision
Tackle him! – when you’re not sure if your team remembers the fundamental forms of defence
Go. Go! GO! – Line break!
What are you even here for? – Always directed at touch jud- I mean sideline official
Shepherd – I mean who actually says obstruction?
What!?- Another terrible decision. Confusion is increasing.
Benefit (of the doubt) – For learned watches of the game who can predict the video refs every decision
Run Forward – When your winger or centre covers 60m sideways
Forward – Usually said in unison with 1000 other people in the stadium (usually not including the ref)
40/20 – when you have that divine premonition of a 40/20 even before it leaves the player’s boot
WHAT! – No confusion here. The ref is a cheat.
Hold it! – The basketball carry 20m out from your own line
Ref’s Call – see: Benefit
Use it! – When an overlap develops but the front rower spots a gap
C’mon…- Deflated after 3 chances at the opposition goal line. Somehow they always seem to know the inside-ball-to-tired-prop play that was worked on all week
Intercept – When things are getting desperate. Usually after 3 consecutive drop outs
Various Expletives – This would require a second article
Would’ve won if the ref wasn’t such a [see next article] idiot – Yes that bad call in the 47th minute sparked the 30 point massacre
So I hope this has helped refresh your memory. Feel free to add a few of your own.