The Past Master

Let’s get this one out of the way early on. The Natural is the new number 1. For the first time in Tekken history, the Master has been dethroned. Tekken Takedown Tuesday (05/10/10) will be a day to remember for all those in the Tekken realm.

The Title

In the build up to the fight The Natural had had a few chances to battle The Master in a non title fight, but chose not to use his new secret weapon – Xiaoyu. This would prove critical in the much anticipated title bout. Xiaoyu paired up with Paul to challenge for the belt. The Master on the other hand, still struggling to cope with losing the NRL Grand Final, had decided to keep his winning combo of Bruce and Julia.

The fight started as planned. The once feared Paul lined up against Bruce and got his ass kicked. The doubters had said what they said about Bruce. But Bruce came out swinging and KO’d Paul, a diving leg kick finishing him off as he tried to swap.

The next two rounds, however, were a different story. Xiaoyu was first out and was just too quick for Bruce. She quickly beat him down and Julia entered. Surely the jewel of The Master’s reign, the ever dominating Julia would put an end to Xiaoyu’s combos. But it was not to be. Xiaoyu did similar damage to Julia be fore tagging out to Paul who finished the job. Round 3 and Xiaoyu started again. This time Julia had a fresh start but the unpredictable and flowing combos could not be handled. Xiaoyu was unstoppable and severely damaged both characters before Paul finished the job. The Master was defeated.

The Suburbs - Food Chains and Karma

Terry had just got back from a long run. He was exhausted. As he entered the front door he called out to his brother. No response. Must have gone out, he thought to himself. He untied his shoes and took off his socks. He then decided to relish in the freedom and took off his shirt, shorts and undies. Usually with these rare moments of freedom he would be stationed at the computer while sporting similar attire, but this time he was just planning to go cool off in the pool. He stood at the pool edge, naked, basking in the hot summer Sun. His thangle dangled but he dismissed concerns over the neighbours watching – Old lady Saunders could use the excitement. He lowered himself into the pool but before completely submerging he saw an ant, its six legs were kicking wildly, struggling to stay afloat on the precarious balance of surface tension. Terry cupped a tiny pool beneath the insect, lifting and splashing it onto the pavement. He ducked his head under the surface and let the soothing life source cool his body.

***

Surrounded by water! Swim to safety! Surrounded by water! Swim to safety! Surrounded by water! Swim to safety! Surrounded by water! Swim to safety! Surrounded by wa-Land? Land! Stand up. Cough out water. Breathe. Injured? No. Need to dry. Walk to drier land. Wipe water off. Walk. Need to find the colony. Walk. Walk. Need to find the colony. Walk.
“Hey look! It’s Tiklon! He survived! Hey Tiklon, the line is over here!”
Receive call of fellow ants. Locate and respond.
“Hey guys, `sup!”
“Tiklon! You wandered out of the line again. I thought you were fucked for sure!”
“Nah man, you know I escape that shit. Is how I do!”
“Oh baby, you for real gangsta. Ha Ha!”
“Oi! cut the shit you two or I’ll shove both your asses into Lake Death.”
“But Sarge, he survived La-”
“I said cut the shit. Old Lady Saunders left her window open and fell asleep and we got 3 million mouths to feed so MOVE!”
Obey Sarge. Join line. Follow line. Follow line. Follow line. Follow line. Follow line. Follow line. Follow line. Ooh what’s that over there? Inspect.
“Tiklon! Get the fuck back in the line!”
Obey Sarge. Follow line. Follow line. Follow line. Follow line.

Enter the Dogman

“Hamish” no longer exists on this site.

There are very few facts known about this being. Of the scraps of information that we do have, all are curiously canine in nature, hence the name – Dogman.

It was a brisk evening in the winter of 1947 in a public house in the east of London (The ‘Isle of Dogs’, to be precise), when a group of scholars where debating whether the phalus should be measured from below the testes or above. Before a conclusion could be reached a foul screaming hag burst forth through the doors. Screaming and babbling loudly, and before anyone could help her she fell to the floor. Writhing in pain, she pulled up her dress (her screaming became louder still) and began to give birth - “the bitch is crowning!” - howled one of the bystanders. Out of her wretched cunt came not but a babeh, but a puppeh. This was no ordinary puppeh, for it had red fur (not due to the mung fluid) and was already growling and scowling at all present. The puppeh then scampered away, never to be seen again... that day was the 4th of January 1947.

His exact birth date has been confirmed by internet researchers using various scientific methods. The most reliable method of which is Numerology. The 4th of January, 1947. That date would more commonly be written as 4/1/47. Numerology confirms that this is the Dogman’s birth date. The method is simple: D is the 4th letter of the alphabet, 0 the 14th and G the 7th. 4 1 4 7 or 4/1/47. Not only is does numerology confirm it, the Chinese Zodiac does too. As this date falls within the ‘Year of the Dog’. Moreover, all zodiac cycles are assigned an element, the element assigned to this cycle was fire. This is correlates as the Dogman who we know to have red hair – hair of fire.

But the rabbit hole is deeper still. We already know that the Dogman was born on the Isle of Dogs in the east of London, a part of the world once famous for pirates. The Isle of Dogs is also the location where many movies have been filmed, notably – the fifth Harry Potter film.* This is interesting as it features not one but two dog-men**. 1) Professor Lupin and, 2) Sirius Black. This duality of doggery represents the two sided nature of the Dogman. He is at one instance an evil fiend and the next a loyal friend. This dichotomy represents all the best and worst of animalia.

That said, the Dogman will be blogging on this site instead of “Hamish”, and he’ll also be taking credit for all of “Hamish’s” past blogs.

- Dogman

*Note – 5th film. In the 1940’s when the Dogman was born, the word ‘Dog’ was spelt – ‘Dogge’. That’s 5 letters. Numerology proves his doggedness beyond all reasonable doubt.

**However, they aren't true dogmen in the sense that the Dogman is. They're lesser dogs or in old german unterhunds.

The Death Of Pop Music

Pop music (the concept, not the style) runs on the momentum of the relationship between radio stations, MTV and the record companies. As a song is released, the big companies (EMI, Sony etc) give these songs to the pop stations (Nova, 2Day FM, MTV etc). The radio or TV station plays the song repeatedly, giving the impression that it is popular, regardless of whether it is or not. Almost all of this music is in the same style (currently this is RnB and female fake rock (Katy Perry, Miley Cyrus (to name but a few))). This ideology goes back to the days when radio was king, and besides jazz clubs, the only music you could hear was through the airwaves. In the 1960's though, bands started to play gigs and rock clubs began surfacing, sometimes even allowing a band to survive without radio play (Led Zeppelin didn't release singles in the UK). When punk arrived in the mid 70's, live shows were the whole deal for these bands and they proved that a whole subculture of music could exist without the need for radio. Still, at this time, the most popular music was out there due to radio exposure. But when MTV reared its ugly head in the 80's, kids wanting to find good music would only have to see what was on heavy rotation to find out what to like. It was, dare I say, too easy to discover new music.


As of the early 00's, the music on pop radio was of little merit and was now supported by American Idol. This hellish show made millions of people believe that this was normal music, furthering the illusion that besides pop music, there really isn't much out there. This is not to say that great music can't survive, but it is always going to be harder on good artists when there are a large portion of people in the world that don't know better. These people, the viewers of Idol and the listeners of Nova, I believe would be listening to better music if this shit wasn't so easily available. These people (most people) obviously enjoy listening to music, or else they wouldn't be tuning into these stations and getting these records in the first place, so now imagine a world where they had to seek it out. I honestly believe they would seek it out, because music is an amazing thing that most of us want in our lives, hence the existence of a huge industry making money off feeding these poor misguided souls such easily accessible songs.


Now to the point of this article... I think the record companies are in their last years. More and more people are downloading music for free. Yes, alot of the music being downloaded is the crap that's on the radio, but what about the day when almost nobody buys music anymore, leaving the industry to die. If the companies don't exist, and therefore are not creating this bad music in such large quantities, will bad music just become another genre to seek out on the internet?


I have faith in people, and I truly do think most people just don't know the difference between what they like and don't like and will just take what is given. So if left to their own devices, with no corporation to tell them what to like, will the misguided masses seek out the type of music that is currently being pumped through ad nauseam??


If all music becomes equal in exposure, and (unless a friend burns you something) the only way to hear music is by seeking it out, will the next generation really want to go to the sites playing music akin to Akon, or will they follow their heart and listen with their own ears?


Perhaps it will mean the death of pop music after all.


 - Lee (while not listening to T-Pain)

Album of the Week: Hissing Fauna, Are You the Destroyer?

Hissing Fauna, Are You the Destroyer?

Of Montreal

Hissing Fauna, Are You the Destroyer? is the eighth album from indie pop band Of Montreal. It was released January 23, 2007.

Track listing:
All songs written by Kevin Barnes.

1. "Suffer for Fashion" – 2:58
2. "Sink the Seine" – 1:04
3. "Cato as a Pun" – 3:02
4. "Heimdalsgate Like a Promethean Curse" – 3:18
5. "Gronlandic Edit" – 3:24
6. "A Sentence of Sorts in Kongsvinger" – 4:54
7. "The Past Is a Grotesque Animal" – 11:52
8. "Bunny Ain't No Kind of Rider" – 3:51
9. "Faberge Falls for Shuggie" – 4:31
10. "Labyrinthian Pomp" – 3:21
11. "She's a Rejecter" – 4:02
12. "We Were Born the Mutants Again with Leafling" – 4:57

Why I Chose This:

Kevin Barnes is the David Bowie of our generation, using his glam rock lyrics about art, fashion and drugs mixed with song technology engineering available to the new-age producer to come up with Hissing Fauna, Are You the Destroyer?. This album took a few listens for me to like it, as the sounds were very different to what I had heard at the time (even only early this year...) - however once I did get a hard on for Barnes' voice then he didn't disappear from my ipod for a while.

Stand-out tracks for me are "Heimdalsgate Like a Promethean Curse",  "The Past Is a Grotesque Animal", "Bunny Ain't No Kind of Rider", "Faberge Falls fo.." - wait, everything after track 7 is cool lol. According to wikipedia, Barnes transforms into his glam rock alter-ego (Georgie Fruit) during track 7. 

The other reason I chose this album is because BotM hasn't seen an Album of the week for a while now, and I loved the section so much I decided to bring it back.

Get into this album, you won't be let down - and if you are, at least you know that glam rock isn't your thang.

- Russell